#18: the case for traveling alone ✈️
some reflections during a very happy group trip
As I’m writing this, I’m on a train to Hudson, NY with four of my angelic girlfriends to go be cute in the wilderness upstate. I thought a lot about what I wanted to write about today, and travel seemed appropriate!
I love traveling with friends. When you find people that are super aligned with your “travel personality” too, it makes it even better. As my friend Kelsey said earlier, you can’t be selfish when you’re traveling with someone else. If your pal wants to get to the airport 2 and a half hours early when you’re more of a 30 minutes before kind of person, you have to do whatever makes THEM more comfortable! There are many laws of friendship, and that’s one of them.
Up until last year, though, you would’ve had to basically threaten me with violence to travel alone. I couldn’t comprehend how that was even possible to do comfortably. It took a lot for me to go see Everything Everywhere All At Once by myself (and for whoever was in Nitehawk Williamsburg with me that day, sorry for sobbing all over you). When I left the theatre, still wiping tears away, I felt a sense of relief. “Holy shit,” I thought to myself, “I can actually enjoy doing things alone.”
Little did I know that three months later, I’d be navigating my very first adventure in Europe by myself.
In this issue, we’ll talk about why we feel so much resistance to traveling alone, the benefits of doing it, and some of my favorite lessons from my last trip.
raised by individualism, fueled by codependency
There’s a lot of irony about American culture. From the moment we learn how to read, we’re taught to be little worker bees, to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, to figure it out alone. And yet, as we grow older, a lot of us have trouble trusting ourselves and feeling at home in our own bodies. It affects every facet of our lives, especially as it relates to our ability to let go and have fun. Sprinkle in some shame and embarrassment, and it can feel paralyzing.
I think about all the times where my friends weren’t able to come to a concert, museum, vacation, art gallery, etc. with me and I just…didn’t go. I used to regret it and now I just try to promise myself that I won’t make the same mistake again.
There’s so much resistance to doing things alone — maybe it’s because we feel embarrassed, maybe we feel a twinge of sadness that we’re not having a shared experience with a loved one (which is perfectly valid). But (at the risk of sounding corny), how can we all experience the full range of beauty that life has to offer if we’re always going to wait around for someone else to do it with?
benefits + lessons
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Don’t just take my word for it — here are some of the benefits you get from embarking on a little solo trip, from Jessie on a Journey (and underneath each one will be each lesson that *I* learned during my week long solo trip to Amsterdam and Berlin):
It pushes you out of your comfort zone
I’ll never forget the rush of butterflies I felt when I woke up at my best friend’s house in Germany at 5:30 in the morning to catch my train. I had spent 10 full days with my besties at this point — to go from that to being alone made me a bit emotional, but the subsequent feeling of pure adrenaline that came after I sat in my seat was worth the discomfort.
It’s easier to meet new people
Two of my most memorable experiences blossomed out of meeting new people on my trip. One, a cute date with a hottie from Amsterdam. The second, making a new friend on the train to Berlin. She asked me about my book, I let her read a few pages, and then we talked nonstop for the next 4 hours and got dinner and drinks later on that night. It was perfect in every way.
It helps you grow your relationship with yourself
It was like I threw my sense of self into the wash — hot water, extra detergent, baby! It was a good reminder that, actually, spending time in my own company is beautiful, and made me value the relationships in my life even more.
Curiosity becomes your guide and you get to have ultimate freedom over your itinerary
Get three different desserts over the course of an hour? Yeah, obviously. Go to the zoo on a whim? Sign me up. As a world renowned and recovering people pleaser, compromising my needs for others is something I’m not unfamiliar with. Having full control over my schedule during this time built my confidence to a place that I hadn’t previously experienced before. And then, of course, this:
So, to recap: having shared experiences is essential to life, but if you really, really want to do something and don’t have anyone to do it with in that moment, do it alone. What solo trip have you been on before? Tell me all about it. And if you haven’t done a solo trip yet, what’s holding you back?
